the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
