Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
