ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
