Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
