I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
