Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
