whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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