i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
