He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
