K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
false alarm, still single
Randomize