What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
