Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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