At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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