youre lurking in front of me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
