and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
