she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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