I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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