He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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