Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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