based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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