Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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