it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
