He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
