my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
