dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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