And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
