I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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