In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
