there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
