dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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