I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
