I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
