The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
