I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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