i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
