I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
