her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
