Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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