We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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