went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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