The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
