The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
