I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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