there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish my penis had an off switch
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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