Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
