Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You dont lie about slip and slides
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
