There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
