I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
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just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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