I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
