people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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