fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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