i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
