I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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