We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
