We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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