My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
