He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
