They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
