update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
