I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
