so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
