I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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