how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
