it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
