I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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