Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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