You're so nebulous sometimes
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
