She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
