It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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