respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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