chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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