Where is the hickey?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
