So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
